Miss Frankenberry, the Grammar Dragon

She was shaped like a refrigerator (the old fashioned kind with the round thingy on top), and she wore her hair in a braid that went
aroundandaroundandaround her head and was nailed in place with LOTS of hairpins.
Miss Frankenberry never smiled. She had nothing to smile about, because she was my high school English teacher and she was
always hunting grammar mistakes

Here is one that always made her breathe fire: THE MISUNDERSTOOD APOSTROPHE

The APOSTROPHE is the little guy that hangs up there between the n and the t in isn't and between the o and the s in Leonardo's.

The APOSTROPHE has two basic missions in life.

Apostrophic Mission #1. Apostrophe takes the place of a missing letter when two words are pushed together to form a CONTRACTION (meaning that something has been squeezed to make it smaller)

Example: he is -- drop the i, push the two words together, and you get he's

More examples: they are  =  they're
there is  =  there's
will not  =  won't
it is     =  it's
should not =  shouldn't
cannot, can not   =  can't
do not    =  don't

We use these contractions all the time in our speech and in informal writing.
 

Apostrophic Mission #2. Apostrophe, followed by an s, shows possession: somebody or something possesses something or has something.

Bullwinkle's antlers  
Superman's cape
Miley Cyrus's new name (CAUTION! Her name already ends in s, so you have to add an apostrophe and then another s)  (And in case you're wondering, her given name was Destiny Hope Cyrus, but she decided to change it legally to Miley Ray Cyrus.)

 

And here's the Catastrophic Apostrophic Mistake that makes the Grammar Dragon completely crazy:

mixing up it's and its.


Its, called a possessive pronoun by Grammar Dragons (other possessive pronouns: theirs and yours and hers and his), doesn't need an apostrophe: The bird is in its cage.

It's is a contraction, a squeezed form of it is: It's not happy in the cage.

Make a Grammar Dragon happy today and learn the difference between it's and its.
 
 

There is a firebreather in Missouri, and here's what heats her up:

Should of...would of...could of...must of...
The Grammar Dragon wishes to point out that, while this construction is slightly better than shoulda, woulda, coulda, and musta, we must take another giant leap toward correctness and use the proper construction, including an auxiliary (helping) verb:
should have...would have...could have...must have
The Grammar Dragon regrets to inform you that the following non-words do not exist, even if you think they should:
Theirself, theirselves, hisself
The Grammar Dragon requests that in the future you limit yourself to real words:
 
themselves, himself, herself
 
Here's an interesting e-mail from Texas:
 
I have one question about this fire-breathing Miss Frankenberry teacher of yours.  What did she think of the native Texan word "y'all?"  Where did she think the apostrophe went since different teachers have different opinions which it seems to me?  What do you think about "y'all?"
Thank you for your time.

P.S.  I love your "Where the Broken Heart Still Beats."  It's a great book that I recommend to friends!
 

My reply:
I seriously doubt that Miss Frankenberry ever visited Texas (poor thing). We didn't say "y'all" in Lewistown, or probably anywhere else in Pennsylvania, where we knew that the correct form was "youens," as in, "What did youens have for Thanksgiving?" (The answer would be "sauerkraut.")

Thanks for writing--messages like yours (y'all's?) make my day.

Hello, teachers! Is there another Miss Frankenberry out there? Send your favorite fire-breather to me at meyerwrite@comcast.net!